Lavender, Butterfly and Sunray

Unbeknown to most New Yorkers is a lavender farm all the way near the tip of Long Island's north fork. Located in East Marion, New York, the 17-acre Lavender by the Bay has been growing lavender on Long Island for more than 15 years. The farm is open seven days a week when the flower is blooming. For a small fee, visitors can spend 30 minutes in the field to take pictures and pick a bunch of fresh lavender for themselves. After her visit to the farm in June, a friend of mine couldn't wait to show off her lavender album.

Julie: Did you see my lavender pictures yet?

Me: Not yet. I will take a look when I get home.

Julie: No, do it now. Give me your ipad!

Me: But, Julie, we're eating.

Julie: So?

Knowing that there was no way I could finish the meal without seeing the pictures, I reluctantly put down my bowl of pho.

Julie: My pictures are so much better than the farm's supposedly "professional" ones.

Me: Julie, a little humility won't kill you, you know?

Julie: Huh! Look at these bees and butterflies. They made me run around for hours.

Me: No kidding! I thought you can only spend 30 minutes in the field?

Julie: That's what they said! But who dares to kick me out?

Me (shaking my head): You know, you're just like a butterfly.

Julie: Huh?

Me: You're so much like a butterfly, always cheerfully hopping from one flower to the next.

Julie: Whoa! What a pretty image! What are you then?

Me: I'm the sunray trying to shine on you, giving you light and warmth.

Julie: Not bad! But why "trying"?

Me: 'Cuz a sunray can never really catch a butterfly. The butterfly may appear like it's waiting for the sunray, but as soon as the sunray begins to shine on it, the butterfly would start flying again. And the old sunray has to work very hard to catch up with the youthful butterfly.

Julie: Poor old sunray! Haha... Why doesn't he just give up?

Me: 'Cuz the sun doesn't give up.

Julie: Huh? Who's the sun?

Me: God, of course!

Julie: Ok, Father, preach on!

Me: As the Bible says, "a sun and shield is the Lord God, bestowing all grace and glory" (Ps 84:12). God is like the sun that continuously shines on us, even though we keep on running away like the carefree butterflies.

Julie: Ok, ok, Father Sunray, I got the point. Let's eat!

I smiled as Julie put the ipad away. The pho was already cold, but my heart was just warming up. Outside, the sun was shining brightly.

Bridge, Sun and Clouds

During the summer months, my friends and I usually go for a walk after dark when the temperature drops to a more bearable degree. One of our favorite spots is the walkway between Belt Parkway and the Hudson River near Verrazano-Narrows Bridge. Here we can have a magnificent view of the Manhattan skylines on one end and the brightly lit Verrazano-Narrows Bridge on the other.

One day last week, however, the whole area was covered under such a thick layer of fog that the entire bridge was hidden from our eyes. This was an interesting phenomenon for this time of year in New York City. But the conversation it caused among my friends was even more interesting.

Andy: O look! The bridge is gone!

Annie: O, that's what it was! I was wondering what was missing.

Andy: Yeah, the place does feel weird without the bridge, doesn't it?

Julie: Isn't it funny that we rarely talk about the bridge even though we see it everyday?

Annie: We do take it for granted, don't we?

Julie: What about the sun?

All: What about it?

Julie: Do we think much of it on a nice, sunny day?

Andy: Yeah, we only complain about it when it's too hot.

Annie: And we really miss it when it's cloudy and rainy.

Julie: In reality, the sun - like this bridge - is always there for us, no matter which day it is. We just don't see it, because it is covered by clouds, fog, or something else.

Andy: Mm... Sounds like you're on to something.

Julie: Well... I'm just thinking... I do take my James for granted... a lot!

Annie: Yes, Julie, your husband is really your sun, unlike my unreliable Frank!

Julie: But, Annie, that's exactly what we're saying just now. Maybe you need to get rid of the clouds and the fog that prevent you from seeing the real Frank.

Annie: I don't know, Julie, I don't know...

As my friends continued their animated conversation, I drifted off in my own train of thoughts. The days of our life are not much different from the weather. We might feel good and confident one day, but depressed and afraid the next. I take comfort in knowing that Jesus – God's Son and our Sun – will always be there for us. As He said in his farewell speech, "A little while and you will no longer see me, and again a little while later and you will see me... But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you." (John 16:16, 22)

The Art of Conversation II

No one seems to know how or when it started, but at every big event in my family, all my siblings would gather together in some corner, leaving my parents to deal with the relatives and guests. Same thing happened at my mother’s birthday party recently, except this time my friend Julie was also there with us. Being polite, one of my sisters-in-law started a conversation with Julie. Before long, the two of them were engaged in an animated discussion about... well... conversation.

Sister-in-law: Julie, I hope you don't mind me asking, but have you ever found it difficult to start a conversation with your husband?

Julie: No. Have you?

Sister-in-law: Well... Sometimes I just feel like my husband and I have nothing to talk about.

Julie: Really? That sounds problematic to me.

Sister-in-law: Not really. We just have different interests. He's very much into his work so he talks about it all the time. I like to talk about a variety of other topics.

Julie: That's understandable. Men and women are different.

Sister-in-law: And have different conversation skills!

Julie: No doubt! Generally speaking, women are better at conversation than men, 'cause we think faster than them.

Sister-in-law: But they claim to think more thoroughly though.

Julie: Maybe. Men are more analytical, so they think well in mathematical and legal terms... But we are less likely to make mistake 'cause we're more intuitive!

Sister-in-law: So true! Also, men only like to talk about things and events, while women tend to talk more about people, especially people they know.

Julie: Exactly! Men are shallow. They think they're funny, but we have a better sense of humor. They think they're wise, but our wits are quicker. They think they're sensitive, but our emotions run much deeper.

At this point, I couldn't resist it any longer.

Me: Hey! Are you two having a men-trashing party or what?

Julie: See that! Men are so sentimental...

Sister-in-law: And quick tempered!

Me (after a deep breath): Remember, "judge not, that you may not be judged" (Matthew 7:1)!

Julie: What about, "be as wise as serpents and as harmless as doves" (Matthew 10:16)?

Sister-in-law: Also, "be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger" (James 1:19)!

Me: Ok! Ok! Guess I need more practice with the "art of conversation"... (mumbling, almost to myself) "not only to say the right thing at the right place and the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."

The Art of Conversation I

When I befriend someone, I usually end up being friends with his or her whole family. Julie's family was no exception. Before I know it, I was good friends with her older brother Willie and her younger sister Amie as well. In fact, we have gotten so close that I feel comfortable to share everything with them. They are like family to me, and to them I will forever be "Dodo."

One thing I do most often with my friends is going out to eat. Again, Julie's family was no exception. On Ascension Thursday, we went to a nice restaurant for dinner after Mass. As we each enjoyed our fair share of the food, our conversation began to focus on the topic of... well... conversation.

Willie: You know, some people just don't know how to carry a conversation.

Amie: Hmm, I smell something.

Julie: Yes, Willie, spit it out! What are you saying?

Willie: Well, for one, a conversation is not a monologue.

Julie: I knew it! You have never been comfortable with me doing all the talking. But I only do it when I'm in the mood. I could go for days without saying anything. Right, Dodo?

Dodo: Oh yes! You and your famous moods...

Julie: Huh!

Amie: Ok, you two nutheads! Willie, what are you suggesting?

Willie: Well, I think in a normal conversation half of your time should be listening.

Dodo: Unless the other person clearly likes to talk more and you actually enjoy listening to her...

Julie: Thank you, Dodo!

Amie: Actually, I think the question is not who talks more, but how long does he talk each time.

Julie: Yeah, but how long is long?

Dodo: I think more than a minute without pause is too long. Forty seconds is the ideal.

Willie: That sounds like a great rule of thumb. Where you got that from?

Dodo: From an old book called "The Art of Conversation" by Milton Wright.

Julie: You actually read books about the art of conversation? I can tell you the real art of conversation without reading any book.

All: Oh yes? What is it?

Julie: Geez, calm down, guys! The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place and the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

Julie's words hit like a fist. A solemn silence fell over our table as each one of us sat back in our chair, sipping our coffee and savoring the wisdom of Julie's "art of conversation" definition.

Priests, Men, Women and the Heart

I neither know how to nor enjoy cooking, but every now and then some of my friends would come over and we would cook something together. Last time, we had such a great time. What was more interesting, however, was not the dish we concocted, but the conversation we had while preparing the food.

Annie (chopping onions): This is making me cry.

Julie: That's why onion is such a perfect metaphor for man.

Frank: What do you mean?

Julie: Well, men are like onions. They protect themselves with different layers of identity. Women try to peel off the layers, crying in the process, only to find out that there is nothing behind the layers.

Annie: That's so true, Julie. Men are like onions. They have many layers, but there is no heart.

Frank: Whoa! What a negative image of men. What about women? What do you compare a woman to?

Julie: Uh... Women are like pears. Men eat their sweet meats but never get to know their hearts.

Frank: Why not?

Annie: 'Cuz they throw the hearts away! Julie, you're so good at this!

Julie: Actually, I heard it from my husband.

Frank: Father, aren't you going to say something to defend us men.

Me (tasting the food): No, Frank. I think Julie is absolutely right. Men are like onions and women are like pears.

Frank: Well, then, what about priests? Are they like onions too?

Me (still tasting the food): Well... you certainly can't take the man out of the priest. But... there is something behind the layers in a priest -- love. As Saint John Vianney puts it, "the priesthood is the love of the heart of Jesus"... Umm, I think the food is ready. Shall we?

We ate our meal with lots of laughter and joy. Of course, for dessert we had Korean pears whose skins and hearts Julie had carefully removed.

Friendship and Appreciation

I often go out to dinner with a group of close friends. We all like to talk. So, our dinner conversations would often cover a very wide range of topics. This Fat Tuesday was no exception.

Julie: Do you have to appreciate someone to be his friend?

Andy: How can you call someone a "friend" if you don't appreciate him for who he is?

Julie: Well, he just has to appreciate me as I am!

Annie: Isn't that one-way friendship? He considers you a friend, but you don't really consider him a friend.

Julie: Yes, I do. I do consider him my friend. I just can't appreciate his personality.

Andy: But that doesn't make sense! How can you be friends with someone you don't like? Right, Father?

Me: Well, according to the Church's teachings...

Julie: Wait, the Church teaches about friendship, too? Is there anything that the Church doesn't meddle with?

Me: I wouldn't call it "meddling". It's more like "giving guidance". The Church is like a concerned mother trying to teach her children how to be better persons.

Andy: Julie, YOU stop meddling with the Church's teachings! Go ahead, Father, what does the Church say?

Me: Well, the Church's teaching on friendship is actually based on the philosophy of Aristotle. He said that there are three kinds of friendship: friendship based on utility, friendship based on pleasure, and friendship based on goodness.

Annie: And since the Church doesn't like anything useful or pleasurable, only friendship based on goodness is acceptable, right?

Me: Whoa! That's a horrible characterizing of the Church! But you're right about friendship. "Only the friendship of those who are good, and similar in their goodness, is perfect," according to Aristotle.

Andy: But isn't it useful and pleasurable to be with a good friend?

Me: Yes. In fact, Aristotle went on to say that true friendship has three qualities: mutually enjoyable, morally helpful and genuinely committed to the good.

Julie: So, where does "appreciation" fit into this whole "philosophy of friendship"?

Me: Well, if you can't stand someone, I doubt that the time you spend with him would be mutually enjoyable or morally useful.

Julie: I do enjoy talking to him and spending time with him. I just really can't stand certain things about his personality.

Andy: Oh, that's normal. No one is perfect.

Me: That's where the fourth quality of true friendship comes in: sacrifice. "Greater love than this no one has, to lay down one's life for one's friends," said Jesus (John 15:13).

Annie: Do you have to involve Jesus in every one of our discussions?

Me: Well, as Jesus would say, "I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard" from my Teacher (John 15:15). Ha ha...

As my grandma used to say, there is nothing that a good laugh and a good meal can't cure. We ate and talked and laughed all night. I surely hope the best for Julie and her "friend", regardless of whether she can "appreciate" him or not.

Like a Kite II

Girl: Father, how would you describe your ministry?
Priest: Like flying a kite.

Girl: Really? I thought that's the image for marriage?
Priest: It's actually a good image for any relationship.

Girl: Ok, a love relationship is like flying a kite; that I understand. But how is your ministry also like flying a kite?
Priest: Well, first of all, it describes my relationship with God. Just as a kite cannot bring itself to the field, I didn't put myself in ministry; it was God who brought me here.

Girl: I'm sure He has a very good reason for it.
Priest: No doubt about that! Just like a kite needs to be held up at the right angle to the wind, not turned sideways, God sustained me through all my studies so that I would be in my proper place. Then, when I was ready, Jesus pulled the string and up I went, gliding on the wind of the Holy Spirit.

Girl: Whoa! Father, you make it sounds so wonderful.
Priest: It is wonderful, except... when I forget to keep my face set upon the sky and start looking down to earth.

Girl: What's wrong with that?
Priest: Well, what happens when a kite turns sideways? It falls to the ground! That's what Jesus was talking about when he said, "No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of God" (Luke 9:62).

Girl: I see... But that's between you and God. What about your ministry with people?
Priest: Well, to me each person is like a special kite that God has made -- unique, precious, and beautiful. If they hold on to the string of their faith and trust in Jesus, He will make sure they fly high in the sky of His love.

Girl: And where are you in this beautiful image?
Priest: Oh, I'm like the extra person who helps to lift the kite up at the beginning. Once the kite is flying high in the sky, it doesn't need my help. But whenever it falls back to the ground, I will be right there, ready to hold it up to the wind again.

Girl: Aww... That's so beautiful! I thank God for your ministry, Father!
Priest: Ok, ok, enough flattering already. Go fly a kite!

The girl laughs and hops away, full of joy and innocence. Pulling up his sleeves, the priest continues putting the finish touches on his own kite. Tomorrow he will bring it to Miller Field for some kite-flying fun, his favorite day-off pastime.